The Eternal Hello

I am convinced that human beings were not created to say goodbye.

From a Christian perspective, there was once paradise on earth: the Garden of Eden. In that world, before sin claimed humanity, Adam and Eve could not die. All that is known is that the tree from which they ate, the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, brought about their exile and ultimately their death. Perhaps the only other named tree, the Tree of Life, had something to do with their immortality, but essentially, the point is that originally...

Man was not created to die. Our bodies can function endlessly without the wearing of time we call aging; our bodies are machines built to last forever, if it were not for disease and consequences of sin. Adam and Eve were created to live forever in paradise, but one fatal mistake forced them to eventually part. They were the first goodbye, the very word that echoed down to our broken present time.

So, I believe that the worst outcome of the Fall is not pain during work for men or even pain during childbirth for woman but the pain of saying goodbye. Saying goodbye is a direct result of the Fall of Man.

Not only does it feel unnatural to us who can never quite say goodbye sincerely, but there is never a pain like it. The only recorded time that Jesus cried publicly was when he mourned what was to come for Jerusalem and for his deceased friend Lazarus. Both are clear examples of the hardship of saying goodbye, and especially the latter is interesting because Jesus cried even though he knew he was about to raise Lazarus from the dead. Why? Because Jesus was fully God and fully human, completely understanding the pain of what we go through on a daily basis. Why does it hurt so much? Because every time the word is spoken, the entire weight of the Fall returns like a tainted heirloom passed down countless generations.

We are humans, and we say goodbye. It is what we do. But it is not who we are.

We were not created to see our loved ones die, and we were not formed to be separated from those we love. Even personally, we literally cannot comprehend the idea of leaving this world; we can barely endure long-distance relationships.

We only know the repeating loop of hello leads to goodbye, when in reality, God created an eternal hello we have yet to see. You may know it as Heaven.

Goodbye has ruled our world since the Fall, but there will come a time when one man who said goodbye two thousand years ago will return and ensure that we will never have to say that God-forsaken word anymore by the uttering of one simple word.

The God of the Universe is returning to banish goodbye back to hell from where it once came.

Welcome to the Eternal Hello.

Awkward Introverts 101: A Survey

I’m an introverted actor whose biggest role is playing the extrovert.

I love one-on-one time, but I hate group activities. I’m claustrophobic. I don’t do well with multiple noises. I have trouble focusing. I daydream a lot. I talk too much when I should stop, and I’m silent when I should start. I have a classic case of social anxiety.

I walk in fear that I may run into someone I know. Not because I want to avoid a certain person—I love persons. I hate people. I have a classic case of social anxiety.

If my food order comes out wrong, I don’t say anything. I’d rather eat something I’m allergic to than tell a stranger they did their job wrong. To me, even meaningless small talk is like an art form to master or a wild beast to tame. Most people just say what is on their mind, but how can I say aloud, “Huh. I’ve never gotten a DNA test done. I wonder if my parents are actually my parents.” That’s not small talk nor is that what normal humans think about.

For me, I have approached small talk as an organized mechanism that, if properly executed, will achieve pointless acquaintanceship: in this order, it begins with a witty, calculated reply that agrees with the partner and also turns the small talk humorous, a nod of the head and a low hum that signals you are willing to listen instead of butt-in with a response, a verbal agreement using synonyms of the words they used, essentially repeating exactly what they said, then a laugh to whatever they say next as you begin to turn, and finally one last comment referring to the first joke you made as you turn the corner. It works every time.

By now, you probably realize, I have a classic case of social anxiety. I would rather ride the elevator to every floor than ask the front desk for directions. I recently watched as a girl took the sandwich I was just about to grab and walked away. I pace for ten minutes until I gain the courage to ask my roommate if he still needs the light on. I don’t even care what his answer is—I could sleep with the light on or off. I just hate asking. If I can’t hear what someone has told me to do, I’d rather say, “Sure, I’ll do it right away” and start piecing apart the vowels I heard than ask them to repeat themselves. When people say “Bye, love you!” I accidentally groan aloud and either clear my throat to pretend like I didn’t hear them or offer a quick, “Oh, okay!” as I briskly walk away. I have gotten into many arguments this way. And I hate confrontation, because I would rather agree with someone that I was wrong than explain them my point of view and defend myself.

My life is considerably more confusing and much more stressful with social anxiety—but amidst all the stress and confusion, I would not change that part of me for the world.

Because it is a part of me, and I love it.

After all, it makes for some pretty great stories…

How to Business

Business world is scary. We get it. How does one know it's Business O'Clock or merely Business:Thirty? Does one gently embrace each coworker every morning as though recovering a long lost relative, or does one set up a steady regiment of violent physical altercations with each colleague? These are the questions that may cause you to whisper "Business" all through the night as you toss and turn in your corporate dreamwagon, and these are the very same queries we seek to answer in this blog. Read onward, and you too will learn how to business--well.

1. Coworkers want to know they can trust you. You can affirm this belief in your goodness through subliminal messaging. In between words such as "Dividend" and "Domesticated Imports," slyly sandwich in phrases such as "Company Loyalty" and "Good Retirement Plan". These kind of statements assure both your superiors and inferiors that you intend to hang around for the long haul, pardner.

2. Impress your supervisor. Your manager desperately needs to know that you care about them as a person, not just another golden rung daintily draped across the celestial ladder of corporate success. Show them this by remembering simple facts about their personal lives; such as number of kids, their names, your boss' name, which side of the bed they sleep on, their PIN number, their social security number, the seven-digit code to the alarm system installed in their three story, Victorian style house on 467 Pleasant Drive, Leesburg, VA 24505-5656.

3. Pleasing the Corporate Entities. This one is a given. The five-headed corporate deity, as you may well know, is a fickle mistress. To prove you are worthy of astral success, Stocks, Bonds, Tariffs, Increased Revenue, and Beelzebub all must know you are equipped to tame the corporate behemoth known as the global market. In order to invoke their blessing, one must offer sacrifice in this sacred order: charred dove at dawn, bloodied boar's head at noon, twenty spreadsheets in a flame offering set ablaze upon a small mercantile vessel on a glistening sea shipped towards the evening dusk. Repeat until successful.

4. Dispose of money properly. Place both your bills and your paychecks into your business rocket and deliver your money to the Business Star where they will be disposed of confidentially and discreetly. (Interestingly enough, this is the same star into which all good businessmen's remains are sent to be emblazoned by glorious space fire after their departure from the office.)

5. Business is fire. As the old adage goes, "Business is fire."

May your righteous flame of employment burn ever brightly, young star.

Now you too may business.

What to Expect at a Christian College

Sure, there are many challenges with colleges, but there are also challenges specific for any Christian college, particularly the largest Christian university in the world. So since I can't really talk on the broad scale about every college, let me just tell you would encounter here at Liberty University, just as I have.

-You Will Hear "Heck" A Lot-

 "For Pete's Sake!", "Oh my goodness!", or my personal favorite, "By golly!" I appreciate the willingness to not curse in certain environments (it's also a good professional tool to learn), but do you have to sound like a character from Leave It To Beaver? Plus, being a Theater Arts Performance Major, I was able to see many of the freshmen auditions before I stepped up. It's always hard to find a comedic monologue that's clean, but some people always take it upon themselves to change the "bad parts." What they're left with is an audition that has five crap's, four heck's, two butts, and one "forget you". Everyone knows what you did.

-Patience-

 This is an actual picture of a line at Liberty. If you think this is long, you should see the line for picking up books. Not only are the lines long, but the walks are long too. I usually don't take a shuttle because (shocker) they take too long. Walking is faster, but it still takes me about ten minutes to get across campus. And I'm a fast walker; so fast that people actually part because they think I'm running and getting a workout. Or maybe they're just scared of me. Just think of it as God teaching you patience...the hard way.

-Workout Regulars-

Aka, the people who go to the gym the most but don't need to. I mean, just look at them. What on earth are they there for? Certainly not to burn some calories; I'm pretty sure calories are scared of them. The only reason they are there (besides the strong guy who comes in every once a week to keep his form) is because it's their identity. They like being strong, and people certainly notice. That's why they're there. I mean, I know you're supposed to treat your body like a temple, but my gosh, Buddha could fit in there! As for me, you can always tell where I've been, marked by the lowest weights on the machines I last used. But if you want to actually find me? I'll be up on the second floor, practicing my splits on a yoga mat.

-Crazy Drivers-

I think I learned this way back in Sunday school when my dad would complain about Sunday drivers; then I got to experience them for myself. And now, here at Liberty, every day is an adventure with Sunday drivers--especially since it is an open campus. Not only are there reckless college students but other people who somehow found themselves in the middle of a university by accident. As I was walking from the dining hall one day, I was about to step across the street but looked both ways, like a good pedestrian. I saw a car way down the way, but I decided to step on the crosswalk. Normally, cars will start to slow down when they, I don't know, see someone in the middle of the street, but this guy accelerated. Seeing him coming, I took a step back behind the yellow line and waited in the middle of the street for him to slam on his brakes (he wouldn't even had hit me if he hadn't). I waited until he waved for me to continue on, and when I did so, now at the sidewalk, the car slowed beside me, and a guy in the passenger seat leans out and says,
"Yo! You must be a freshman, bro! You gotta look where you goin' or you gonna be hit by a car! Just lookin' out for you, man."
"Sure."
I didn't realize that his bad driving would inform him that I must be a freshman. Well...I am.
...Lucky guess. Maybe you've been this guy before or maybe you've been the distracted girl who hit me with her car earlier today. Thank you for testing my reflexes.

-White Girls-

Eight o' clock in the morning is prime time to get knocked over by a herd of jogging, blonde, white girls. Be prepared for sayings such as, "I can't even," "OMG," "Literally," and "lolz." They talk as though they're texting. Somehow, they've even managed the art of double texting in actual, real life conversation. I can't (even) get a word in. But I guess I should only be listening, anyway. They're actually lovely, sweet girls if you get to know them. You just have to speak their language.

-Ring by Spring-

There should be a law that states you should be dating, at least, half a year before you get engaged. My parents actually only dated three months, but they were much older and able to make value judgments. Most people are just too immature to get married. You shouldn't be able to get married if the law says you can't consume alcohol. Then again, if you don't even know what the electoral college is, you shouldn't be able to get married.
And don't ever propose on campus. On a weeknight.

-Youth Ministry Majors-

There's absolutely nothing wrong with youth ministry majors. There are just a lot of them. And please stop saying, "Oh..." whenever I tell you I'm majoring in something that doesn't have the word "Ministry" in the title. There are other ways to witness.

-Best Friends-

Finally, at a Christian college, you will find best friends that love you unconditionally and challenge you spiritually. If they don't, you haven't found the right friends yet. Or maybe, you need to be the one that can be that friend to someone else. Who knows, maybe you've already met your future best man or maid of honor.

Just don't propose on campus. 

Thoughts of an Introvert

In the wake of countless freshman activities to get me to open up, I've decided to let others know a few things about introverts that you may not know. First of all, there are many classifications about what differentiates an introvert from an extrovert, but the way that helps me understand it the most is where the person goes to recharge. Extroverts rejuvenate themselves by being with other people while introverts rest by being alone, which leads me to my first little bullet point...

• Let us recharge. 

If we've had a long day of classes, dealing with people, or even having fun with friends, we find comfort and solace in alone time. If you take away our quiet time, you take away our rest. We're like batteries. If you let us recharge, we can perform to our maximum potential the next day and love doing it too. And, just like batteries, if you don't let us recharge...we'll die.

• Just because we're alone does not mean we're lonely.

Don't feel sorry for us because we declined to go play basketball. It's not antisocial--you're just overly social. And don't invite me over to sit with you at lunch, group of strangers. If I'm alone, it's probably cause I like it that way. There's nothing wrong with being alone. In our world, alone and lonely have the same meaning, but you can be alone without being lonely. If I'm lonely, I'm going to do something about it. I don't need you to fix it for me.

• We're not antisocial.

Introverts are some of the most fun people I know. For instance, I'm a theatre major and still an introvert. I get enough social time, and I have loads of fun. However, this does not mean I don't need to recharge. (See battery analogy) We'll socialize if we want to.

• We're not people haters.

Well...some of us may be. But you can also be a people hating extrovert. What I'm saying is that we're not hiding in our rooms because we never want to socialize, have fun, or go out. We're hiding in our rooms because you're peering under our door, trying to make sure we have friends. You are scaring us.

• We don't hate talking to people.

It's not that we dread it (all the time), but if we have something to say, we'll say it. When we're quiet, it's not cause we're scared (all the time), we just have nothing to say. Introverts tend to carefully think out their words so that we say only what we need to say. It's called efficiency. Write that down, extroverts.

• Being an introvert does not mean we don't come out of our shell.

It just means we have one. We open it around people we know. I know several people have remarked that I'm an extrovert, but they have only seen me with my best friends. With new people, we're just a little more closed off. But, do not try to crack open our shell immediately. If you think we're shy and try to get us to dance with you in public after we meet you (true story), that shell is going under lock and key around you. Being shy has to do with personality not being an intro/extrovert. You can be shy on either side. I just happen to be a slightly shy, awkward introvert who doesn't like dancing in public when I first meet you (still a true story).

These are not rules, and they may only apply to me. I only hope this may give you some sort of tolerance for those who are not like you. Maybe you can appreciate their differences or maybe this can help you realize your necessary recharge times that you've been missing. And for God's sake, don't try to make someone you just met dance with you in public.

(Very true story)...

The Pianist

The Pianist (2002) - Directed by Roman Polanski and Screenplay by Ronald Harwood
In the birth of the Holocaust, a Jewish musician struggles to survive in a now German-occupied Poland...

I tried so hard. I tried not to get attached to the main character. I tried to not be invested in the story. I tried. Then the tears came. My girlfriend was just as surprised as I was. In the beginning, I thought the story was boring, and the characters uninteresting; then, I realized that the characters were just real life people, and the story was only slowly reeling you into their normal lives. It is a movie that allowed you to peer into the ordinary life of people who walked through the streets of the ghetto, avoiding the dead bodies of children at every corner. Especially at these moments, I tried to keep a distance. I tried.

At first, I thought Adrien Brody (Wladyslaw Szpilman) was nothing to sneeze at, then I suddenly fell in love with his completely normal character. Farther into the movie, he experiences a slow but drastic change, and this is where his Academy Award comes into play. He transforms from a young, handsome man into a dying, nearly-crippled, dirty man who has nothing left for which to live. He deserved that award.

The fact that this movie is based off a true story makes it even more gripping and hard to watch. The simple truth is that this movie tells a story that will leave you with a myriad of emotions that you can't tell apart. If anything, watch it solely because it is a movie in which you can find yourself invested. Not many movies touch your heart with love, sadness, and joy like this one (even if you try to avoid them). It's worth the time.

I must say though, my favorite part was watching my girlfriend's reactions even though she had already seen the movie. She's not one who can stay emotionally distant like I can.

Well...at least I tried.

Moving Out

I have packed for multiple vacations and car trips before, and the way of thinking, for me, is that I will be packing for however many days with the knowledge that I will return. But packing for going away to college? It's packing with the knowledge that, essentially, you won't return. Of course, I will be back in Texas for the summer, Thanksgiving week, Christmas etc., but I will always return to Virginia, not the other way around. Instead of me returning to Texas, it's me visiting and returning to my new home. Although, Texas will always be home for me; that will never change. Sure, it's sad, but I try to pretend I don't have negative emotions.

I've found that it was very hard to pack for a new home. I had to take everything I would need, combined with everything I might want, along with stuff I'll probably never use. It's basically picking up your room and taking it with you to another state, while still leaving some of the stuff in your room because you don't want to absolutely destroy the memory of your old home. As for me, I'm not actually taking a lot; if you look in my room, it doesn't look bare...just clean. I wouldn't call it nostalgia necessarily, because after all, I don't have emotions.

All I'm thinking about is the 20+ hour drive to Virginia. There's only so many things you can do on a car trip before your laptop dies. Half of the time, I'll be driving, sure. But the other half? Who knows. I can last about 30 minutes of reading before I get car sick. What then? These are not rhetorical questions people, I'm actually wondering what to do.

First, we'll stop in North Carolina to visit my brother's family, but then, after a couple of days, we arrive at Lynchburg, Virginia, and I find my home at Liberty University. Now, that's a scary thought...

Good thing I don't have emotions.