The Eternal Hello

I am convinced that human beings were not created to say goodbye.

From a Christian perspective, there was once paradise on earth: the Garden of Eden. In that world, before sin claimed humanity, Adam and Eve could not die. All that is known is that the tree from which they ate, the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, brought about their exile and ultimately their death. Perhaps the only other named tree, the Tree of Life, had something to do with their immortality, but essentially, the point is that originally...

Man was not created to die. Our bodies can function endlessly without the wearing of time we call aging; our bodies are machines built to last forever, if it were not for disease and consequences of sin. Adam and Eve were created to live forever in paradise, but one fatal mistake forced them to eventually part. They were the first goodbye, the very word that echoed down to our broken present time.

So, I believe that the worst outcome of the Fall is not pain during work for men or even pain during childbirth for woman but the pain of saying goodbye. Saying goodbye is a direct result of the Fall of Man.

Not only does it feel unnatural to us who can never quite say goodbye sincerely, but there is never a pain like it. The only recorded time that Jesus cried publicly was when he mourned what was to come for Jerusalem and for his deceased friend Lazarus. Both are clear examples of the hardship of saying goodbye, and especially the latter is interesting because Jesus cried even though he knew he was about to raise Lazarus from the dead. Why? Because Jesus was fully God and fully human, completely understanding the pain of what we go through on a daily basis. Why does it hurt so much? Because every time the word is spoken, the entire weight of the Fall returns like a tainted heirloom passed down countless generations.

We are humans, and we say goodbye. It is what we do. But it is not who we are.

We were not created to see our loved ones die, and we were not formed to be separated from those we love. Even personally, we literally cannot comprehend the idea of leaving this world; we can barely endure long-distance relationships.

We only know the repeating loop of hello leads to goodbye, when in reality, God created an eternal hello we have yet to see. You may know it as Heaven.

Goodbye has ruled our world since the Fall, but there will come a time when one man who said goodbye two thousand years ago will return and ensure that we will never have to say that God-forsaken word anymore by the uttering of one simple word.

The God of the Universe is returning to banish goodbye back to hell from where it once came.

Welcome to the Eternal Hello.

Awkward Introverts 101: A Survey

I’m an introverted actor whose biggest role is playing the extrovert.

I love one-on-one time, but I hate group activities. I’m claustrophobic. I don’t do well with multiple noises. I have trouble focusing. I daydream a lot. I talk too much when I should stop, and I’m silent when I should start. I have a classic case of social anxiety.

I walk in fear that I may run into someone I know. Not because I want to avoid a certain person—I love persons. I hate people. I have a classic case of social anxiety.

If my food order comes out wrong, I don’t say anything. I’d rather eat something I’m allergic to than tell a stranger they did their job wrong. To me, even meaningless small talk is like an art form to master or a wild beast to tame. Most people just say what is on their mind, but how can I say aloud, “Huh. I’ve never gotten a DNA test done. I wonder if my parents are actually my parents.” That’s not small talk nor is that what normal humans think about.

For me, I have approached small talk as an organized mechanism that, if properly executed, will achieve pointless acquaintanceship: in this order, it begins with a witty, calculated reply that agrees with the partner and also turns the small talk humorous, a nod of the head and a low hum that signals you are willing to listen instead of butt-in with a response, a verbal agreement using synonyms of the words they used, essentially repeating exactly what they said, then a laugh to whatever they say next as you begin to turn, and finally one last comment referring to the first joke you made as you turn the corner. It works every time.

By now, you probably realize, I have a classic case of social anxiety. I would rather ride the elevator to every floor than ask the front desk for directions. I recently watched as a girl took the sandwich I was just about to grab and walked away. I pace for ten minutes until I gain the courage to ask my roommate if he still needs the light on. I don’t even care what his answer is—I could sleep with the light on or off. I just hate asking. If I can’t hear what someone has told me to do, I’d rather say, “Sure, I’ll do it right away” and start piecing apart the vowels I heard than ask them to repeat themselves. When people say “Bye, love you!” I accidentally groan aloud and either clear my throat to pretend like I didn’t hear them or offer a quick, “Oh, okay!” as I briskly walk away. I have gotten into many arguments this way. And I hate confrontation, because I would rather agree with someone that I was wrong than explain them my point of view and defend myself.

My life is considerably more confusing and much more stressful with social anxiety—but amidst all the stress and confusion, I would not change that part of me for the world.

Because it is a part of me, and I love it.

After all, it makes for some pretty great stories…

How to Business

Business world is scary. We get it. How does one know it's Business O'Clock or merely Business:Thirty? Does one gently embrace each coworker every morning as though recovering a long lost relative, or does one set up a steady regiment of violent physical altercations with each colleague? These are the questions that may cause you to whisper "Business" all through the night as you toss and turn in your corporate dreamwagon, and these are the very same queries we seek to answer in this blog. Read onward, and you too will learn how to business--well.

1. Coworkers want to know they can trust you. You can affirm this belief in your goodness through subliminal messaging. In between words such as "Dividend" and "Domesticated Imports," slyly sandwich in phrases such as "Company Loyalty" and "Good Retirement Plan". These kind of statements assure both your superiors and inferiors that you intend to hang around for the long haul, pardner.

2. Impress your supervisor. Your manager desperately needs to know that you care about them as a person, not just another golden rung daintily draped across the celestial ladder of corporate success. Show them this by remembering simple facts about their personal lives; such as number of kids, their names, your boss' name, which side of the bed they sleep on, their PIN number, their social security number, the seven-digit code to the alarm system installed in their three story, Victorian style house on 467 Pleasant Drive, Leesburg, VA 24505-5656.

3. Pleasing the Corporate Entities. This one is a given. The five-headed corporate deity, as you may well know, is a fickle mistress. To prove you are worthy of astral success, Stocks, Bonds, Tariffs, Increased Revenue, and Beelzebub all must know you are equipped to tame the corporate behemoth known as the global market. In order to invoke their blessing, one must offer sacrifice in this sacred order: charred dove at dawn, bloodied boar's head at noon, twenty spreadsheets in a flame offering set ablaze upon a small mercantile vessel on a glistening sea shipped towards the evening dusk. Repeat until successful.

4. Dispose of money properly. Place both your bills and your paychecks into your business rocket and deliver your money to the Business Star where they will be disposed of confidentially and discreetly. (Interestingly enough, this is the same star into which all good businessmen's remains are sent to be emblazoned by glorious space fire after their departure from the office.)

5. Business is fire. As the old adage goes, "Business is fire."

May your righteous flame of employment burn ever brightly, young star.

Now you too may business.