10 Rules Nobody Follows

If you subconsciously frowned, shook your head, or breathed in a quick gust of air condescendingly when you read the title, then this post is not for you. Instead, this post is for those of us who respect the law...as much as we can. We don't steal from the government or light fire to abandoned warehouses, but we do go against the rules here and there. Whether they're laws or not, here are ten nationally assumed rules that nobody follows.

1: The "This Is Not a Step" Step

 

Who hasn't done this? It only makes sense to use the top step as a step. It has the support of both sides of the ladders, it's higher, and sometimes it's wider than the rest of the steps. Why make a bigger step where feet can actually fit just so the space can be filled up with the words, "This is not a step!" Then why was it made as the most convenient step? It's a ladder--isn't it supposed to help you reach tall places? Apparently only if you stay below the second highest step (just to be safe). If you don't have balance enough to stand on the top step, you should stay away from heights of any kind.

 

2: The Unspoken "Don't Stare" Rule

 

 

We've all had that moment when someone has caught us staring. And what do we do? What every human does--pretend it never happened. Possibly even pretend the person exists no longer just to make up for the creepiness of those five seconds. It's habit to stare at something beautiful, but for some reason it's frowned upon in our society. Probably because it's as creepy as creepy gets. I've learned that I tend to stay away from people who stare at me. So unless you want to look like a very talented Steve Buscemi, don't stare at me.

 

3: Wait 30 Minutes After You Eat To Go Swim

 

As a child growing up with a swimming pool in the backyard, I heard this constantly. To me, however, this subtle warning told me that if I swam with a full stomach, I would drown; that somehow, the weight of the meal would be too heavy and pull me below the surface. Turns out, the worst that could happen is that you could get a stomachache and throw up in the pool. Suddenly, a fun pool party turns into a day at the beach. Not that I'm speaking from experience. As adults, we tell children this but don't obey it in the slightest. How much fun it is to be hypocritical!

 

4: The Speed Limit

 







Everyone does it. As society teaches us, we don't obey the rules--we just bend them a little and hope we don't get caught. Have you noticed that the sign reads: "Speed Limit"? It means the law-enforced maximum speed not the minimum speed. If the speed limit is 50, then we travel 50 or over. I guess somewhere along the way, we forgot that it used to mean "don't travel over this speed!" Nowadays, five MPH over is free game. I mean, come on, who gets in the car and thinks, "Gee, I'm going to drive extra slow today just in case!" We all think, "Good lord, I have to do this again? But I just drove yesterday. Why are they going so slow? Don't they know the speed limit is 30? Why are they going 35? I'll just pass them. Let's just see how fast I can reach my destination without getting caught. As long as I'm beside someone who's going slightly faster than me, I'll be good."

Actually our overall driving is pretty terrible. We see yellow lights, and we speed up when they're there to warn us to slow down, we see stop signs, and we only slow down to make sure no one is watching, and when we're supposed to use our blinkers, we just make sure nobody is behind us before we cross. And that "left lane is only for passing" rule? Who does that? The one rule of driving: do as much as you can without getting caught.

On another note, any speed below 65 on a highway is inhumane.

 

5: "February" and "Wednesday"

 

Are we just going to ignore the "r" in February and the entire "dnes" in Wednesday? Why are they pronounced, "Febyouary" and "Winsday"? Let's make hundreds of rules for a language and then disobey them on words that everyone will use. On the other hand, how would one even pronounce the "r" in February without looking as constipated as one attempting to say "rural"? I guess there's a reason we left it out.

 

6: Turn Off Your Cellphones in the Movie Theatre

 

No, it did not say turn the brightness down on your phone, it said turn your phone off. If there's anyone to which we are not going to listen, it's going to be the snarky lady on the giant screen that haughtily tells us to turn our cellphones off. Even if I don't use it, I don't turn it off. How would I know if something dreadfully dire had happened? What if the sun had exploded? I'd want to prepare for that one before I step out of the dark movie theatre and into the scorched outside air. How else am I going to give minute by minute updates about the movie to someone who hasn't seen the movie? I'm not being loud am I? I'm actually being quieter than I would be ordinarily if I was watching the movie. I'm the one who paid ten dollars, I should be the one who gets to decide whether I want to watch the movie or surf Twitter.

 

7: Stand Still on Escalators

 

Is this even a rule? Is it assumed or are there signs? Who stands still? Stairs are too much work and elevators are overcrowded so humanity created a solution. Moving stairs--and yet, it's just not fast enough. Even if I'm not in a hurry, I climb up the moving steps just to get there faster. I'm a fast walker and hate being trapped behind slow people. Just let these long legs move, and someone please program the escalators to go faster.

 

8: Traffic Arrows in Parking Lots

 

If you claim that you always follow these complacent little symbols then you are a liar. Every driver has, at one time or another, abused the parking lot. Sometimes these arrows lead you straight into the maze of a parking lot, and it takes you five minutes to get out. If I'm able to cut across some lines and go against the arrows, arriving at my destination in half the time, I should be able to do that, right? Just be glad I don't do everything society tells me to.

 

9: Shower Before Entering the Pool

 

This rule faded away into the annals of history. Why would I get soaked with water before I get soaked with water? What will that solve? The public pool and/or beach is already filthy so showering before I immerse myself with its muck will do nothing. I'll shower after, sure. Just don't make me shower twice in addition to swimming. I hear too much water can be harmful.

 

10: The Social Media Age Rule

 

Yes, I was under the age limit when Facebook came out and, believe it or not, I didn't get one until after I was the appropriate age. But every one of my friends got one anyway. The rule is that you have to be thirteen, but it's so easy to give a year for your birthday that makes you older. Then, all you have to do is leave out the exact date (month and day) so that people don't get notifications about your birthday and think, "Oh, I love that little--she was born in 1945?" You little twelve year old trickster you.

 

Bonus: Please Wash Your Hands

...look, sometimes the disgustingness of the bathrooms outweighs the social taboo of not washing my hands. In certain places, I wash my hands and come out dirtier. But if there is nothing getting in the way of my cleanliness, then I go for it. This rule is for those of you who don't. You know who you are. Some people don't even have shame--they walk out of the stall and straight through the bathroom door as I'm washing my hands. Some pantomime the motion about a foot away from the running faucet. Hey, A for effort, right? If they went through that much trouble to avoid washing their hands, then you should congratulate them.

Just not with a handshake.